never felt like this before

i feel like shit i don’t want to go to sleep i don’t want to wake up i don’t want to do anything

and just woke up

i hate when i do this

now i’ll never be able to do homework 

my best  friend rachel and i always used to say “who cares, you’re just going to die anyway” it all started the summer before ninth grade, the summer we went to the beach. we thought it was hilarious yet true. ever since then that phrase has been in the back of my mind.

stupidputaentertainment:

This Mayan symbol is the Galactic Butterfly, Hu Nab Ku. It represents all of the consciousness that has ever existed in the cosmos — all of our physical ancestors; human, animal and plant — as well as the consciousness that organized all of the matter  which created the entire phenomena of the universe

i like this

i don’t know why i stay up so late. i don’t know how i even stay up so late. i don’t know why i bother with most things. i wish i could sleep forever. i wish i weren’t alive. no, i just wish i was never born. that’s easier than dying because you don’t have to leave anything behind. 

i planned to finish my book, do my gov’t hw, catch up on my philosophy journals and STUDY for the 30294809 tests i’m going to have to take tomorrow - but i didn’t do any of that. I WISH I COULD JUST AVOID SCHOOL FOREVER. 

i’m in a personal mood. i have to take advantage because the words don’t always flow out this easily. thoughts become words and words form sentences and sentences form paragraphs and paragraphs represent my ideas. so these are my true thoughts. i don’t know if they’ll make sense to anybody. i don’t know if you’ll actually know what i’m talking about. i don’t know, maybe this is all an illusion. i hope it is. sometimes. mostly. always.

i’m insecure. i often get lost and become completely confined within that self-doubt. it’s something you wouldn’t realize until you realize it. it’s simply confusing. it’s verifying but contradicting. it’s nonsensical and logical. it’s repetition and singularity. all at once. it’s a combination of everything you do and do not know. i’m telling you right now that i will follow you even when the clouds become too cloudy and the fog blinds our way. i will be here. i may leave but i pray that i’m always in your heart.